You know, anime makes me really really happy. But it also makes me really really sad too. I hate to say this but one of the reasons I indulge in anime and manga so very much is because I'm in a desperate search for something. It's something really important that I'm missing in life. I think this thing that I'm looking for is my soul.
When I was in high school I got the pleasure of watching The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya and that girl inspired me. Watching her fight an uphill battle against sadness and boredom with crazy creative madness made my heart sing. I wanted to be like her and even tried starting my own SOS Brigade! But it didn't work out so well...people just didn't seem to get it. They just kind of, kept living their own normal regular lives. In turn I didn't get them either. It was a real bummer...
Never the less I always kept trying, I'd walk out in public wearing a cape but chicken out because clearly I couldn't go into class like that...I also built a table for my family's deck and tried sewing a shirt and I'm also now planning to make some kimono's and yukata's and geta sandals too! I do these things in search of my spirit, or maybe I'm even looking for a spirit superior to mine! One that will make me happier.
I've had a lot of fun along the way but I've had heart breaks too...one time I brought munchkins into work and wrote a nice friendly note for each one of my co-workers(Dozens of them...by all accounts I was the nutty guy at the office.). People really loved them! Mostly...but a few people thought I was suicidal and my mom and a co-worker chased me around Baltimore to make sure I didn't kill myself...hehehe huh... :P. Then I targeted, or rather I should say I selected one lady at the office that I know. I'd admired her and looked up to her for her work ethic and intelligence. But she always seemed so sad and stressed that I wanted to cheer her up.
My anime's gave me values that I really truly love. They taught me never to give up on people including yourself. That you have to fight and persist everyday to learn and understand and conquer the demons you face in life, so I didn't give up on this woman. I care about her a lot. I not talking about romance or anything like that, but she's special to me and I want her to learn my anime happiness, which is really what I want for everyone. So I tried all the anime tricks that seemed "appropriate".
I would tease and joke about stuff that made no sense, like how Valentines day originated with some random stuff I don't recall but it had nothing to do with love. And I would also write on the white board in the lunch room that I loved everybody and I would leave smiley faces I drew on post it notes for a certain unhappy someone to see. I would also text her and some other co-workers wishing them well on the Holidays!
Operation Anime Happiness!!! That's what it was all about!
Picture acquired by Googling Anime Happiness.
I thought it was going well. I enjoyed everyone's company and everyone seemed to get increasingly nicer. But that one baka-onna...she refused to submit to the Anime cheer! So I intensified my efforts with her and tried to make her see the error of her misery!
But in the end I left my job over it...no one understood. The boss said it was inappropriate for work and I couldn't do it anymore...it was such a betrayal and I just couldn't show my face there anymore. How could they reject my love? How could they refuse the excitement and happiness I offered? Why was my love and friendship forbidden?!
I never got my answers...I never got to have my goodbyes or any resolution with "her". I never got any closure. I had to simply pack my bags and walk away defeated. In an anime I would have rushed back there in the middle of a random work day, poured my heart and soul out to her in front of the whole world, and after all the pain and awkwardness we would've had our breakthrough and we'd be great friends right now. But that didn't happen...it couldn't happen...
Do you remember how in many anime's, the characters are insanely dedicated to their friends and family. And the way they very quickly bond with each other over their common ground. Whether it's the fact that they're co-workers or classmates or battle brethren or they're sharing in a quest? That's how I go through life myself. I was always inspired by that touching sense of loyalty and meaning that anime characters acquire so easily as a simple function of being in the pit together. Normally I take that anime meaning as inspiration for real life. But when I suffer these defeats it makes me wonder. Am I not really inspired or enlightened? Am I instead just addicted to some fantasy crap?!
I don't want to give up! I can't give up! I won't give up! Somehow we've got to get through to people! Somehow we've got to make them see the livelier and happier side of life. This so called professionalism and cold-hearted sciency world we live in has lost its heart! I want the heart back. I want passion and honesty in life!!! I don't know how to do it but there's got to be something to my anime inspiration. This blog is a good start I think. It's helped me to get connected and express the thoughts of an Anime spirit. I want to try out some kendo and build a kotatsu with which I'll have a Japanese tea ceremony. I want to forge friendships powerful enough to drive me into battle if my nakama ever needed me to fight for them. I want to propose to my future wife with a red thread of fate that I'll tie around our pinky fingers and I want to fall in love with her to start with by seeing her wearing a yukata I made at a party we threw! These are some of my dreams. They are inspired by anime. Crazy as that may be what better ideas do we have? Life is not something we need to understand(In fact I believe half the fun is that we don't get what the hell's going on in life.). It's given to us to live out by any means necessary and to waste it on miserable stuck up professionalism values that offer no quality of life is what would be truly crazy!!!
I'm going to try then, little by little to build a better life. It's not that I'm going to try to find aliens, time travelers, or espers. It's not like I'm going to try to do a Dragon Ball Z power up on youtube and publicly embarrass myself in front of millions(Or maybe I will just for the hell of it! :)). But the values I've witnessed in my greatest anime heroes can't be all that ridiculous. At least that's how I feel. Anime is born of human minds after all and fed by human hearts. So some of it has to have a dose of reality. Some of it has to be made of dreams that we can and should work to realize in our lives. But I can't do it alone. Hell, even if I could it wouldn't be any fun and would carry no meaning or weight for me. I'm going to search...ah yes search...that's what I'm searching for. What I really need to find is not my spirit, but other spirits that resonate with mine. I would liken it to the soul resonance power in the anime Soul Eater. Our power grows when we connect and resonate. That's what I need, to join with nakama who will be one with me. Together we will rock this world! We will leave a grand legacy! We will make and keep the promises of love and friendship with one another for all time! And last but not least...we will party!!!
Well, that's my two cents on that! Thanks for reading! Share your thoughts with me if you would. It'd be nice to know I'm really not alone!